How to make the case for Israel and win

This is so brilliant and right on that I could not just post a link. I had to copy the whole thing and post it. It was written by Gabriel Ash on the blog Jews Sans Frontieres and you can access the original post at this link.
To the benefit of the many not-very-bright zionist wannabe apologists who read this blog assiduously, I decided to offer a clear and simple method of arguing the case for Israel. This clear and simple method has been distilled from a life spent listening to and reading Zionist propaganda. It is easy to follow and results are guaranteed or your money back.

So don’t hesitate! Take advantage NOW of this revolutionary rhetorical system that will make YOU a great apologist for Israel in less time than it takes to shoot a Palestinian toddler in the eye.

Ready? 1..2..3..GO!

You need to understand just one principle:
The case for Israel is made of four propositions that should always be presented in the correct escalating order.

1- We rock

2- They suck

3- You suck

4- Everything sucks
That’s it. Now you know everything that it took me a lifetime to learn. The rest is details; filling in the dotted lines.

You begin by saying how great Israel is. Israel want peace; Israel is the only democracy in the Middle East; the desert blooms; kibutz; Israelis invented antibiotics, the wheel, the E minor scale; thanks to the occupation Palestinians no longer live in caves; Israel liberates Arab women; Israel has the most moral army in the world, etc.

This will win over 50% of your listeners immediately. Don’t worry about the factual content. This is about brand identity, not writing a PhD. Do you really think BP is ‘beyond petroleum’?

Then you go into the second point: They suck. Here you talk about the legal system of Saudi Arabia, gay rights in Iran, slave trade in the Sudan, Mohammad Atta, the burqa, Palestinians dancing after 9/11, Arafat’s facial hair, etc.

There is only one additional principle you need to understand here. It will separate you from the amateurs. You need to know your audience. If you’ve got a crowd already disposed to racist logic, go for it with everything you have. But if you get a liberal crowd, you need to sugar coat the racism a bit. Focus on women rights, human rights, religious tolerance, “clash of civilizations”, terrorism, they teach their children to hate, etc. Deep down your audience WANTS to enjoy racism and feel superior. They just need the proper encouragement so they can keep their sophisticated self-image. Give them what they crave and they’ll adore you! But be careful not to ‘mix n match,’ because it will cost you credibility.

When you’re done, there will always be dead-enders insisting that abuse of gays in Iran does not justify ethnic cleansing in Palestine. Take a deep breath, and pull the doomsday weapon: You suck!

You’re a Jew-hater, Arab-lover, anti-Semite, you’re a pinko, a commie, a dreamer, a naive, a self-hater, you have issues, your mother worked for the Nazis, Prince Bandar buys you cookies, you forgot you were responsible for the holocaust, etc. The more the merrier. By the time you end this barrage, only a handful would be left standing. For mopping them up, you use the ultimate postmodern wisdom: Everything sucks.

War, genocide, racism, oppression are everywhere. From the Roma in Italy to the Native-Americans in the U.S., the weak are victimized. Why pick on Israel? It’s the way of the world. Look! Right is only in question between equals in power; the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must. Ethics, schmethics. Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Eat, drink! Carpe diem! The Palestinians would throw us into the sea if they could. Ha ha!

Trust me, that’s as far as words can go. If you followed this method faithfully, you’ve done your work. You should leave the few who are still unconvinced to the forces of order.

Congratulations!
You are now ready to
apologize for Israel like a pro.

29 Comments

Filed under Palestinian/ Israel conflict, Personal favorites

29 responses to “How to make the case for Israel and win

  1. This is ridiculous. Not every person who counts themselves as pro-Israel or as a Zionist is an apologist.

  2. Fathima

    Interesting post.

  3. Jeff

    Brilliant indeed.

    I’m no Zionist but it struck me after reading this that this is a magnificent attack on a rhetoric-based strategy of argument used by Zionists to silence the opposition and stop a reasonable discussion….

    And the attack itself uses….a strategy of rhetoric-based argument used against Zionists in order to silence them and stop a reasonable discussion.

    What’s needed is a non-rhetorical approach to the problem, I think.

  4. Sade

    This is brilliant! I LOVE your blog, I have been following for quite some time and Lena’s comments always worry me so I had to chime in!

    @ Lena….your comments are so typical. You Zionists are nothing but modern day European Imperialists. Point blank. You should read the history of the entire Western World…..it has nothing to do with Zionism and freedom for Jews….it has to do with a European Imperialism/ Colonialism…and many Jews are nothing but modern day Europeans trying to reclaim their “history”. PHEW. Obviously a destruction of almost an entire race of people in North America has proven nothing to humans…and they are STILL at it. This time they are masking under Zionism to get their agenda. I have no problem with Europeans….but the effects of Colonialism and Imperialism around the world has been perpetrated most recently by this group of people…..for it was the Brits who caused all this mess and the Europeans Jews who PROUDLY have sustained this. HMPF. Peace and Justice for Palestine. You cannot blame them for fighting for the land THEY have been living at for centuries….even if you CONVERTS think you have the right. Israelis and people who support Israel should be ashamed of themselves….POINT BLANK. There really is no argument. It’s like Europeans calling Native People savages and then justifying going to war with them over THEIR land..of course the Natives were going to fight back!!!! Or bringing African slaves and JUSTIFYING that through religion and sociology these people are inferior and are supposed to be treated a certain way. But no wonder America supports Israel…and many Americans support Zionism and Israeli war crimes…..The apple does not fall far from the tree.

    • Scarlett

      It should be noted that the Brits did not start all this mess. If you intend to chastise a complete stranger for their ignorance, do your own homework first. Colonization is not a new idea. The ancient Greeks did it. Macedon did it. Carthage did it. Rome CERTAINLY did it. It seems as though every great power has colonized a weaker nation or peoples, including some more recent ones like Japan, China, USSR, and USA. In light of this, your sweeping projection that Great Britain is to blame seems a bit myopic and not a little belligerent. In short, it was rude. Even worse, you were wrong. I am not scolding you for being wrong and rude, but I rather think objective investigation of the similarities and differences between ourselves and other people might make the blame game nonessential – thus allowing us to examine viable solutions to the problems we all face on this planet together.

  5. George

    Why is Jordan never blamed by the Palestinians for taking over their land? Doesn’t Jordan occupy a lot of Palestinian land too? Am I wrong in this?

  6. H. Maryam

    This rocks!!!

  7. Usman

    Why don’t Arabs come forward to help Palestinians,m Ma’am?

  8. It was an interesting reading. Whetted my curosity to read more on your blog.

  9. Christina

    I was reading a story on foxnews.com and i followed a link to your blog and for about an half hour, i was mesmerized. And then i came upon this post. Awful, and sad. I am a christian married to a christian lebanese man and after living in lebanon for 2 years i am proud to be pro-israel. To even use the word “zionist” is weird. It’s like hearing jihad. I mean are you people ever going to respect Israel’s right to exist? Must there always be war after war? Your fight for women’s rights is valid ( btw i think it is awful what you have to go through and i pray there will be a change soon) and your blog is very informative but bringing up Israel in this way is just plain wrong.

  10. kikea

    When I read this, I wondered… Have you considered that you are just as indoctrinated as some of the people you are blogging about? You’re just fervent about a different topic. Your intolerance of Israel sound like the same rabid emotion that feeds the intolerance in your country for women’s rights and equality.

    • ”Your intolerance of Israel” hmmm that’s funny I don’t ever remember Israel & tolerant being in the same sentance, I think maybe you have made a big mistake in saying this ‘Have you considered that you are just as indoctrinated as some of the people you are blogging about’ That’s sych bull shit, the things she’s bloggin about & this story are two totally different scenarios, you can’t even remotely connect them.

  11. Vince (Wesa) Werber

    Osiyo! (hello)

    But what of the Coptic people in your Country? Of whom cries for them?

    Wado (thank you)
    Vince Wesa (Cat) Werber
    Cherokee (Wolf Clan)
    Maine U.S.A.

  12. Vince (Wesa) Werber

    Thank you for you quick information about the Coptic people.

    Now may I ask how the situation is for the persons of what is considered ‘homosexual’ (both male and female) in your Country.

    My people consider these people of two Spirits and are honored within our villages,,,

    Also women, more to the point grand-mothers, are considered persons of all knowledge and we don’t even consider war before the grandmothers have spoke thier words…

    My people consider all women to be Sacred because it is from the women that our future warriors will come… I am with you in the fight for women’s rights but only if they are considered above those of the men>..

    Vince (Wesa)

    • Usman

      Isn’t English the National Language in US?

      • Vince (Wesa) Werber

        To be honest… I know of no ‘national language’ in the U.S.

        Of course the majority language is a bastardized form of English but Spanish may well be the majority langauge very soon.

        I was brought up in the State of Maine where the ‘second language’ was always to be French but I heard many different languages here; Native American, Russian, German and the like…
        Vince

  13. There is no official federal language in the US. Some states have American English (one of the 2 North American dialects of English, the other being Canadian English) as an official language and some are officially bi-lingual (usually Spanish).

    Official language was an issue in the last presidential election–specifically the idea of making Spanish an official language (12% of the population are Hispano-American and Spanish speakers). Hilary Clinton sidestepped the question by pointing out that there was no official language of the USA.

    National language is slightly different, and the languages of the native Americans would be in consideration, along with English, Dutch (maybe, a founding nation of the USA) and French.

    The US melting pot allows for other immigrant groups to retain their languages, though probably not as much as the Canadian multi-cultural one which has publicly funded “heritage languages” programs in schools so that the children of immigrants can retain their family’s languages (well enough to function academically in the “old country”) and others can learn whatever language they want, or as many as they want.

  14. Interesting post. Israel currently is the most powerful state in the world. It has received 100 billion worth of funding in the past few decades from US. All the major corporations like Starbucks, McDonalds and Pepsi aggressively support Israel. Recently some of the secret agents were arrested in Lebanon for spying against Hezbullah. If they beleive they are the best and superior than other middle east nations why do they have to wage wars against other countries.

    http://adnisa.wordpress.com/2010/03/10/israeli-secret-agents-arrested-in-lebanon/

  15. You…? Apologize for Israel..? It’s quite possible that with this every known OX has just turned into a Y MORON.
    That plain and outright animal cruelty.

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