Saudiwoman's Weblog

Any Saudi who is against women driving, when asked about it will first say: This is an old topic and it is done with and that Saudis have all agreed that they do NOT want women to drive except for an ignorant and misled few. Besides it is also a minor issue that not that many women care about. If the issue is still pressed then the Saudi will promptly give you the following reasons:

There are two rules in Ifta (the science of writing a fatwa):

a) Whatever leads to an Islamic prohibition, should be prohibited.

b) And if an issue’s detriments outweigh or equal its benefits then it should be prohibited.

Based on the above two Ifta rules, women should not drive because:

•  Women driving cars will lead them to take off the face-cover.
• It will lead to women losing their modesty and feminine shyness.
• It will make it easier for women to leave their houses without need.
• It will lead women to be free to go wherever they want and whenever they want.
• It will be a tool of rebellion against husbands and families in that if a woman is upset she can get in her car and go someplace to cool down.
•  It will lead to Fitna (a door to sin)in many ways:

a) at stoplights

b) at gas stations

c) at investigation points

d) if a woman is stopped for an accident or traffic violation

e) if she needs to fill her tires with air

f) If a woman’s car stops because of a malfunction and in this case a scumbag guy might come and bargain with her for sex in exchange for fixing her car.

•  It is reason for financial excess because women are naturally frivolous and they are known to throw away clothes every time a new style comes out and as such she will do the same with cars; getting every new model as soon as it comes out.

These reasons and more are all across the internet and they are taken very seriously by a large number of Saudis. Some of the websites that carry these reasons include:

http://www.kalemat.org/sections.php?so=va&aid=274

http://www.saaid.net/Doat/ehsan/95.htm

http://www.muslm.net/vb/showthread-t_298419.html

http://www.swalif.net/softs/swalif12/softs14216/

http://www.alathary.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=751&Itemid=13

http://www.khayma.com/ftat/A/mfased.htm

You hear a lot about misyar marriages all over the Saudi media. Some people are against it and others think that it is the magical pill for all our society’s ailments. Many non Saudis have the misconception that this type of marriage is sanctioned by law and that the actual marriage contract document is different from the one used for conventional Saudi marriages. Well that is just not true. There is only one marriage contract document and whether the marriage is conventional or misyar depends on a verbal agreement. The marriage contract itself looks somewhat like a passport. So what are miyar marriages? Well to answer that you first have to understand our regular marriages. First off a conventional marriage means that the groom pays the bride a dowry ranging between 8000 dollars and can go up to 27000 dollars depending on the bride’s tribe, age, beauty…etc. A government approved sheikh is brought to the house and writes up the marriage in a big marriage notebook. Everyone signs it and then it is sent to the bride for signature. Islamically, the sheikh must make sure that the bride agrees to the marriage by asking her himself. But this is not done in many households. The sheikh does not see or speak to the bride. The bride’s father or any other male relative represents her and speaks for her. When it comes to the dowry, it is considered impolite to have it written in the marriage contract, even though there is a little blank for it. The groom waits a couple of days and then goes to the Saudi courts to get the document. Then the groom also has to ensure that they have a place to stay, which could be a couple of rooms at his parent’s house, an apartment, or a villa. And most importantly they tell everyone about their marriage, usually at a big wedding party. Finally impregnation is expected within the first three years.

With a misyar marriage, you still have a sheikh and he comes to the house with the big notebook and does his thing. But with this marriage the bride makes a lot of compromises that are agreed upon verbally prior to the shiekh’s arrival. She still gets a dowry but the marriage itself is considered a secret. Only close relative are allowed to know. When it comes to the love nest, that is most commonly the bride’s own bedroom at her parent’s home. Sometimes, especially for richer grooms, an apartment is rented for the bride. The husband can come and go as he pleases and does not have to spend nights over unless he wants to. Having children is discouraged in these marriages. And they are designed just so the husband can divorce anytime without obligations.

Why would a woman put herself in this position? It differs from one to the other but ultimately it boils down to these reasons:

• She’s a divorcee or spinster and unlikely to get a better offer. These women tell themselves that he’ll love me and want me as a full wife once he gets to know me.
• Lower class households that quite frankly pimp out their daughters and use the dowry kind of like a prostitution fee.
• The groom is really rich and made an offer that just can’t be refused. Rich practicing Muslim men do misyar out of fear of their first wife and at the same time they can tell themselves it’s hallal (Islamically sanctioned)

I know a woman who went into a misyar marriage four year ago. She’s been divorced twice before then and approaching forty. Fortunately it worked out for her and a couple of months back her misyar husband bought her a house and publically acknowledged her.

Shhh! If you are a Saudi male please pretend that you do not know that my name is Eman daughter of Fahad Al Nafjan. I’m um Sulaiman (mother of Sulaiman) to you. Apparently it is still a huge embarrassment for the male part of our society to know each other’s female relatives’ names. Little boys get into fights at school that start because one boy informs others the name of another boy’s mother. It is so bad that a Saudi from Jeddah sued a car company this week because they sent an exhibition invitation to his wife with her full name on the outside of the envelope. He claims that they dishonored him and his wife by making her name public. All over Saudi, you can find mosques that are built in the name of mothers, since it is considered a great Islamic deed to build mosques. These women pay for these mosques to be built but have to name the mosque in their firstborn son’s name so as to not shame the family by putting their name on a sign.  In Al Waha district in Riyadh there is one of these mosques called um Khalid Al Baltan Mosque. I’ll try to get a picture of it tomorrow morning on my way to work. And here it is:

A while back, a new law was issued that stated that small businesses had to have the name of the owner on the sign. I would love to know the number of businesses that suddenly changed ownership or closed down just to avoid putting the name of a Saudi woman on a sign. I know for sure that there were rants about it for a long while in newspapers.

And just like almost everything else, we contradict ourselves. King Abdulazziz, the founder of Saudi Arabia used to esteem and revere his sister Nora. He had talked about her by name in many of his official meetings. It’s said that he used to go to her for advice and even sent his children to her when he need help in disciplinary issues. The prophet Mohammed (PBUH) too used to mention his wives and daughter by name in several of his hadeeths. You would think that Saudis would look up to these two men and try to emulate them but that is not the case.

I bet you’re asking yourself, what if a woman does not have a son, what name does she put after the um (mother prefix). If she has never been married, then nothing and it is not that big of an issue to call her by name. If she is married and does not have a son, she either uses her firstborn daughter’s name or uses her father in law’s first name, the latter being due to the Saudi convention of naming the firstborn son after the paternal grandfather.  The worst would be if she were divorced and childless, in this case, she is nameless and invisible.